Things that cause us pain

[Bogo]

12 years ago, I had to make the decision to put my male b@w cat(Thunderbolt) to sleep. For 2 weeks I had trouble coping, so I adopted Eris, as some of you know her. Thunderbolt suffered from renal failure. He was 13. Today, I had to repeat that experience with Eris. She was 12 and my best travel companion. Everyone here(including my sister) wants me to go back on the road, yet after losing her, it's very unlikely. Sure, I have L'il Dink, but a part of me is gone, and can't be replaced. She went quietly as I was holding her when her little heart stopped, but it's not something I think I can ever do again.

I'm already missing her deeply.

[Kiyevanie]

Eris......
Noooo... not Eris

I'm so sorry for you.

[flighter]

Crap...

One major reason why I don't really want to have an indoor pet. We do have a dog, and he makes sure that uninvited persons don't enter our yard, but once he ate a mole rat. For 2 days after that, he was so weak, he would not come to me to get petting, I had to bring water to a few inches from his head, so he could lap some of it... Only after two days he stood up and is now as silly as he always was. During that time I was like "Please, not Oggy, please not him, not now"

[Elyris]

I ... don't know what to say.

I am so very very sorry. It's awful, just terrible.

When my Karlchen all of a sudden fell from the wardrobe he used to sleep in, dying in that moment from na heart attack I was devastated beyond measure.
Sooner or later all love will cause you extreme hurt.

I hope you will get better soon.

[flighter]

Maybe get a small, young one ASAP and move on? The only issue is, you will likely outlive that one too and the pain will come back again.

[Bogo]

Even Dink feels the loss. He hasn't been his normal "happy-go-lucky" self since.

[Kiyevanie]

Yeah... he also lost part of his family

[Elyris]

Of course he does - we are all rather sensitive in the end.

[Bogo]

This year is already on the way to sucks. My father passed away Jan 30th. I'm still having difficulty coping with the loss even with the hell he put me thru during my childhood. I was stunned when my sister called and told me between crying "daddy's dying". He was buried at the Fort Bliss National Cemetery with full military honors on the 9th. Now I miss him and the fun times we had when we were watching NCIS.

[flighter]

Sorry, my friend. No words from a stranger can change the circumstances. I remember 1999. My grandpa died. When he was admitted to the hospital, a friend of ours, one of department heads there, told us that we should prepare ourselves for the worst. Naturally, we don't believe it will happen, but int he end it did.He was gone 3 days later. For the first 48 hours, my brain was on auto-pilot. Naturally, sad, but it did not hit me as hard at that time as it did some 10 days later. The day after the burial (yeah, WW2 veteran, so with full military stuff), I even drove for 100 miles to meet someone special (or, special at that time) knowing quite well he would support the mission. But, 10 days later, it was really really bad.

Anyway, for 10 days following his death I was not starving at all.Accidentally, the day before I checked myself and I had decent 75 kilograms. 10 days later, my mom said I was becoming skinny... I checked myself again and I was 65 kilograms... almost 10 kilograms or around 20 pounds weight loss in only 10 days

Now I wish I was a better grandson.

[Elyris]

Well - what shall I say? You all know I am bad at consoling. This just happens. Death is the only sure consequnce of life. It's nothing bad or evil. And always only problematic for the living. My great-grandma died over 10 years ago. She was there my whole life and at elast once a month (usually more often) we all were to have sunday lunch at my grandparents. I remember how she looked and how her voice sounded. The night before the news came that she had passed away I dreamt about her funeral (and as it was a dream things were weird, of course) where she walked around complaining about some of the nonsense going down. I wasn't surprised at all to hear the news and up to today i haven't shed a signel tear. This feeling just never came to me. I guess ti's easier to cope (if I can call it that) when you're kinda prepared for it (her being old and sick in this case).
I don't know what will happen when it's my grandparent's time. But I decided to check the true foundation of my feelings and thoughts - for example: me being afraid of that is most likely due to their overwhelmingly dominant presence in my life and the fact that such a permanent absence would cause a definitive change of pace in everyday issues. In other words: I ma not used to them nit being there and so it will be strenuous to my phsyche.
I work along those lines.
I also promised myself to not concentrate on the 'good' things in the past. When someone dies people tend to put out only the positive characteristics and shove everythign else under the rug,, as if someone suddenly is a saint just because he died. This is unfair - to that person and to oneself.
Remember the bad things as crisp as the godd things and keep the relation of both intact. I think it helps. A human is just a human. Mostly none is better then the other. The come they go as just as yourself. Breathe in, breathe out. There is no need for emotional weight.
The pain might get better - or never go away. Either way.
It's jsut what it is.
It usually helps to slow down and be alone (at least for me it is - other people with their expectations on how I should feel and behave only make me ancious and angry at any point and their crying and unrefelcted overly emotional fuss only brings me down) - getting a clearer head. Takea walk on fresh air or something.
The first few days you're in a state of shock - and that's only natural. After that wains it'll get easier sorting thoughts and feeligns out.

@flighter: No need to think that. No one is perfect and he surely wasn't either. Plus: The past is the past. Don't load yourself too much with what you should or shouldn't have done. If what one said and did at the time he said and did it was genuine to his thoughts and feelings than there is no need to regret as this is the most one can do at any time.

[Kiyevanie]

Crap... how did I miss that?

I'm sorry for you beyond words... I know how things have been for the two of you, but I also know that you had good times too, sharing TV-shows and jokes, - and he's been your dad. Losing a parent, that's something different, no matter what has been in the past. It's a part of us that goes, a part that will never come back again.

When my own dad passed away more than three years ago now at first I was kinda numb and then way too busy to be there for my mom to really feel anything. We had never been very close and I kinda managed to get over the whole thing more or less without any breakdowns. And still... there are so many moments I still think of him, I remember situations of the past, of the childhood and of the later years, discussions we had and things we laughed about. Not at the graveyard, as my mom does, but in everyday life, now and then, just out of the blue.

Thinking of you and wishing I could say something that helps...

[flighter]

@flighter: No need to think that. No one is perfect and he surely wasn't either. Plus: The past is the past. Don't load yourself too much with what you should or shouldn't have done. If what one said and did at the time he said and did it was genuine to his thoughts and feelings than there is no need to regret as this is the most one can do at any time.

Well, it did happen 18 and a half years ago, but I still clearly remember the last days.

[Xacoon]

Loss will never be easy. Just got back from my fiancée's grandmother's funeral. An old lady that I liked a lot, had many good talks with her. Well, a month ago she found out that she had a brain tumor, went in to remove it but it grew back in just a week. She died the 19th of February with her closest family by her side. The funeral was on the 9th of March.

[Xacoon]

As Elyris, I'm not good at these things either, heck, i don't think anyone is or can be. All I can say is that life goes on after death, and without death, there can not be life. Something else happened on the 19th. A good friend of my family became a father for the first time. When I told my fiancée, even though she were sad for her grandmother, she smiled while she cried against my shoulder.

[Elyris]

There is no happiness left in my life and no hope either. I ma so tired.

[Xacoon]

Stop talking like the Elyris, don't lose yourself. Never stay silent, speak your mind with friends and family. You don't have to carry all that weight on your shoulders alone. I have lost myself some time ago, and I can promise you that you do not wish to experience that. I tried to kill myself thanks to that, 3 times to be more precise. The first time when I were 9.

If you don't have anyone close to you the write here, go absolutely nut on that keyboard of yours. Even the smallest amount can help.

[Elyris]

I wanted one thing in life - only really that one. I wanted to become a mother. I wanted to have a child. Sicne I can remember that's what I wanted.
Not only am I really old now I know since last Thursday that I have 3 rather big myomas and the doc said today that this will hinder my fertility significantly. Currently I am trying to calm myself down by browsing the internet to find statements saying that something like that is a hinderance but won't make you completly infertile, as this would be by end. I am an tremendously unhappy person. I've never really been just happy. Not as a child, not during my adolescence and surely not now. There is lietrally nothing that makes me wake up and not feel annoyed about that fact. I am not really living, not even existing. I am vegetating through this. And there is no one even remotely around who would be able tu understand the full expanse of how I feel or where that comes from. As I know quite well the reasons, but no one else (maybe excet my mom to a certain extend) will accept those.
I don't really have friends, especially no 'close' ones (I got about 6 good aquaintances or 'looser' friends) and my family surely will be only detrimental to my inner state.
I am too old to still be fobbed off by the claim that things will be better eventually and I just have to wait and push through that. I'e heard this all my life. You know what comes after that hight and spiky ridge? An even higher and steeper mountainside. That's what it's been like. Turns out it was a bad decision to listen to my adults and try to meet their expectations.
And in addition to all of that crabb my body turns out to be completly uselee. It's always been a bad quality purchase, but in the end it's even more ridiculous.
I am so done with all of that.

[Xacoon]

Is there a possibility to make a test tube fertilisation if it can't be done in a natural way?

[Xacoon]

Aaahhh, ffs. Was writing a long post when my computer thought that it was a great time to do a surprise windows update


Oh well...


I know how you feel with the family and friends part, Elyris. I too have the same problems with nagging family, telling me how to do things when they clearly do not work at all for me. Have problems with my health is something I have battled with for a long time.
Yay for permanent nerve damage caused by an incompetent surgeon

Yeah, things like this makes me think that the whole world is after a small piece of me. But sometimes good things will happen to you when you least expect it. I met my wonderful fiancée when I felt really down. Fell for her the moment I saw her. Now she has helped me more than anyone in this world have ever done.


And if you need to talk with someone, talk with Kiy or flighter, or even me. And though we maybe hundreds of miles away from each other, I want you to know that I consider you all as close friends and so should you.



PS. Yeah, I'm not good at these kind of things...

[Elyris]

I decided to try and convince myself that it might not be as bad as she told me (she also seemed rather salty for some reason).

I also decided to get a second opnion from another doctor (not as easy as it sounds as this town is in deep backwater for medical staff who actually knows what thy're doing).

I never developed this ... uhm .... biochemical cascade (?). Family says I 'never talk to men' - as if locking two people into a room for a while would automatically cause such a reaction.

I am very alone and I feel heavily underappreciated (also it would be nice to hear from someone to be considered beautiful just once in my life ... and no: relatives stating that you're 'pretty' doesn't count at all) - life without real inner support is hard (even more so when it was never really there).

Every time I think I mgith see some land in my life things just worsen. I got way too much on my plate and have no idea how to handle it all. I really need a break, but of course there won't be any. Like a no airtight lifeboat it demands all of my attention and energy just from preventing things to worsen even more.

If this goes on like that and my bloodline continues being to ignorant (in a very specific, not very visible way) I might just start yelling and screaming really loudly at some point. Always swalloing all of your thoughts and feelings comes with great costs.

At least my mom made me a bit happy today when she said she found the lunch I made (I had her over) really delicious (she also right on the spot 'stole' the recipe).

Don't tell me about IT nonsense. In the last time I get the feeling as if my e-mails don't go out properly.

[Xacoon]

I hear ya, El.

What you're going through is a living hell. Been there, done that...

Got lucky though, met my fiancée on the school, fell for her right away. And like you said, you can't put two people in a room hand hope for the best, we're not hamsters!

Also sounds like you need a change in your life. Try something new. Might be a new type of diet, new hobby or even a change in your lifestyle.

[Elyris]

Well - you said that before.

I never came to not reacting strongly allergic to couples who act like couples. I feel deeply repelled.

I actually don't see hamsters being htat easy either (at least cats, dogs even horses can be ..... reluctant as far as I know).

Uhm ... you know that all of these things require money and a certain amount security. I got no money and live in an (for me) unsafe environment. Sometimes it feels like a more fancy prison-like situation where you can go out and do things in theory but in reality so many things stand in the way that you would at least need some help to get over the barricades and there won't be any.

[Xacoon]

Any chance you can change career? A job where you can earn a bit more money?

[Elyris]

Career? Lol. You know I am unemployed and have been for the mst part after University, right? And earn more ... here ? They will all tell you you should be grateful for gettign the chance to work a lot of hours for minimum wage. Germany is central europes kingpin of salary-dumping. They less the workers are paid the merrier.









Also i thikn I killed the forum.